Xdating profiles

Some bored person on the web created a Zoosk profile for Superman. In the Story section, the comic book superhero explains, “Long story but let’s just say you better be ready for a love affair that’s out of this world.” Under movies, Superman writes, “Action. His perfect match has alliteration in her name, and his ideal date is anything not involving Kryptonite.No word on whether Lois Lane has a profile of her own yet. Take it away, Sydney: “The only reason I want a boyfriend is so that when I’m singing Fergalicious and it’s at the part where she says, ‘I be up in the gym just workin on my fitness he’s my witness’ I can point to him and he’ll do the little ‘woo OOH’ part because right now I have to do both parts by myself and it’s stressful.” Sydney makes them boys go loco.

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These side-splitting online profiles can be witty, crazy, or just plain stupid, but at least they’re memorable. A lot of guys paint a picture of their ideal date — dinner, movie, makeout session, etc.

But one 22-year-old single took this trope to ridiculous and glorious levels on his dating profile.

“I pull out a bag of marshmallows and I go, ‘No, I knew this was gonna happen.’ And then I kiss you.

In front of my burning car.” This imaginative profile, courtesy of Tumblr, entertains online daters with an amusing story. What works for one person can be taken too far by another.

Then she explains in vivid detail what will happen if you don’t answer her texts.

“I will turn up to your house drunk at 3 o’clock in the morning crying and trying to break in.” Points for honesty?

In just three paragraphs, Jake shows his creativity, spontaneity, and flirtatiousness. Here’s an example of a hypothetical story on a dating profile going bad — hilariously bad.

Rosefacekillahh, from Melbourne, Australia, warns online daters that she’s “not down to earth at all” in her Ok Cupid profile’s self-summary.

Reluctant online dater dont_email_me lives in Texas, and he is very clear about what type of woman he wants: “If I can’t bounce a quarter off your inner thigh, hit the gym, not the ‘send’ button.” Charming.

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