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” Thanks to Marco from English Pod for bringing this interesting cultural difference to my attention!

We're all familiar with that tired and overused baseball metaphor — you know, the one that equates sexual advances between girls and guys as "bases."It goes like this: First base is a hot and heavy makeout session.

"Sex" becomes the only home run: Within this "base system," sex is only sex when it is P-in-V — you're just building up until you score a penetrative home run. It can involve mouths, fingers, toys — and sometimes you don't even need to take your clothes off to be intimate.

As self-described asexual Emily told , "There's a worship of the idea that 'P-in-V' is the only way you can lose your virginity.

That is kind of ridiculous and contributes to that black-and-white idea of what sexuality is." In reality, we're all playing a different game: Sex doesn't look the same for everyone nor does everyone want to engage in the same intimate acts at a certain moment in time, or ever at all. But when it becomes goal-oriented, the individual experience is erased, replaced by a checklist that treats intimate interactions as items to be checked off.

That mentality is especially influential when we're young, just beginning to explore sex in the context of peer pressure and desires to fit in.

With sex quickly becoming the goal in and of itself, young people can feel the need to lose their virginity because everyone else is — and perhaps jump into bed before they're ready or truly want to.

Ultimately, the ranking ends up disregarding the ways women experience sex and orgasm, focusing the system inherently on male pleasure.

And by assuming a strict ranking, the base system de-emphasizes communication — which only can make sex better — but focuses on the fulfillment of a narrow set of desires.

Many have said that letting a man go down on her feels "intimate and emotional and thus more desirable in a relationship," not something to be shared with just a fling.

The French, in stark contrast to we all-American, baseball-playing Yankees, tend to define oral sex and intercourse about the same in terms of intimacy."People in America don't think it's intimate the way we do in France," one Parisian woman noted to And there are women who aren't comfortable enough with their own bodies to receive oral, the pressure to hit that "third base" benchmark ignoring their own preferences.

"It helps to focus on having fun throughout, instead of doing what it takes to reach the 'goal' of orgasm.

If you're not taking pleasure in the journey — or at least indulging some curiosity — then why keep going?

Talking about fifth base when there's really only four bases reminds me of the expression Up To Eleven.

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