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To me, those red-washed aisles that pop up in grocery stores this time every year are hideous.

Consent is how healthy, mutually-satisfying human interactions happen.

Inversely, consent is also the dividing line between healthy interactions and unhealthy ones. In 1983, Gay Male S/M Activists (GMSMA), a group of gay BDSM practitioners and educators in New York, drafted a “statement of identity and purpose.” This statement includes the first known appearance of the phrase “safe, sane, and consensual,” which today has been shortened to SSC.

Instead, think of consent as a series of gates, each one potentially unlocking new and better experiences.

Say, for example, that you’re cuddling on the sofa with someone and kissing them, and you really want to lick their hole.

Consent doesn’t have to be a heavy, dangerous word.

For each time it’s used to describe instances in which consent is violated, there are others where consent is used to make powerful stories happen.

SSC is the most widely-known mantra for what constitutes safe, permissible sex in today’s American and European kink and fetish communities (for further reading on the subject, check out Safe, Sane, and Consensual, a collection of writings by diverse sex writers includig Dossie Easton, one of the most prolific writers on sadomasochism and co-author of thr seminal book The Ethical Slut.)That’s not what its authors intended.

At the time, SSC was coined to make BDSM look less threatening to the larger culture, and was meant to separate what the members of GMSMA enjoyed from “criminally abusive or neurotically self-destructive behavior popularly associated with the term ‘sadomasochism,” according to David Stein, who is believed to be the phrase’s primary author.

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If you accept a hug, you give someone permission to put their arms around you.

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