jw connect dating - Paralyzing fear of dating

I figured he just wanted to keep his options open because he’s George Clooney and why would George Clooney tie himself down when his options happen to be limitless?

It’s just that, regardless of what anyone says, dating inevitably leads to a relationship and I find myself paralyzed when it comes to the idea of being in another relationship.

Fear of change is often related to a negative worldview, and just as often related to a tendency toward anxiety (and of course, these two variables are often related to one another, as well).

paralyzing fear of dating-45

Does dating a motley assortment of dudes sound like your idea of fun?

Does anyone over 35 really just date for fun’s sake? Especially when it’s so easy to buy my own beer, burritos, and Netflix subscription.

Even if this is as “small” a change as getting (or removing) a tattoo, stopping partying so much, or learning to cook, many people feel paralyzed by changing something that others perceive as key to their identity.

This is how you end up feeling like you’re not being true to yourself, which is a deeply uncomfortable feeling.

Anxious parents often pass down the worldview that life is filled with danger and risk, and the best course of action is to stick to what is safe and known.

Often, parents who experienced trauma, severe poverty, or abusive upbringings can implicitly teach their own children that life is dangerous and unpredictable.

You make decisions based on one frame of mind and then you have this epiphany about yourself and you realize the decisions you made during the previous frame of mind are all messed up. It feels good to be needed and wanted but that’s the trickery of dating too soon after divorce. There are people I enjoy spending time with but I feel paralyzed when it comes to moving forward in any capacity, and I’m realizing it’s unfair to put myself out there if I don’t feel capable of a healthy relationship.

You’ve got to deal with all the crap that caused your marriage to end first. Maybe you’re being pressured by friends and family to start dating.

If anything, I feel more broken than ever as I conduct an autopsy to determine the cause of death of my marriage and each new horrible realization about myself dawns on me. This is no time to involve yourself with another person or involve their emotions in your messed up world no matter how great it feels to experience romance after several months or years of a failing marriage. I’d be bringing all kinds of unresolved emotions into a new relationship and I haven’t had enough time to break the dysfunctional patterns I created in my marriage or even really figure out what I’m looking for in a relationship. If you have to experience divorce, make it mean something. Learn from it, make yourself better, improve your life.

Dating immediately after divorce is anxious tiptoeing across a minefield. I’m learning to take deep breaths and power through the panic which occurs often, especially if, like me, you happen to be in your late-thirties, practically French-kissing your forties in the wake of your divorce. Wait until you come through the other side before you allow yourself to invest in a new relationship or else you’ll end up multiplying the heartache you’ve just experienced.

Don’t date because someone tells you to or because you’re lonely or you feel like this is your one last chance at love. Figure out who you are and what you’re really looking for instead of knee-jerk dating in response to fear and loneliness. If notorious serial dater George Clooney can change his mind about marriage, then maybe I eventually can too.

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