Online dating courtship process

But when the dark-eyed musician with artfully disheveled hair asked Shani Silver, a social media and blog manager in Philadelphia, out on a “date” Friday night, she was expecting at least a drink, one on one. Silver, 30, who wore her favorite skinny black jeans. “Hey, I’m at Pub & Kitchen, want to meet up for a drink or whatever?

” he wrote, before adding, “I’m here with a bunch of friends from college.” Turned off, she fired back a text message, politely declining.

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“The stakes are lower.” Even in an era of ingrained ambivalence about gender roles, however, some women keep the old dating traditions alive by refusing to accept anything less.

Cheryl Yeoh, a tech entrepreneur in San Francisco, said that she has been on many formal dates of late — plays, fancy restaurants. For her, the old traditions are alive simply because she refuses to put up with anything less.

D.’s in Internet stalking these days,” said Andrea Lavinthal, an author of the 2005 book “The Hookup Handbook.” “Online research makes the first date feel unnecessary, because it creates a false sense of intimacy.

You think you know all the important stuff, when in reality, all you know is that they watch ‘Homeland.’ ”Dodgy economic prospects facing millennials also help torpedo the old, formal dating rituals.

The actors in the show seem to fare no better in real life, judging by a monologue by Zosia Mamet (who plays Shoshanna, the show’s token virgin, since deflowered) at a benefit last fall at Joe’s Pub in the East Village. Mamet, 24, recalled an encounter with a boyfriend whose idea of a date was lounging in a hotel room while he “Lewis and Clarked” her body, then tried to stick her father, the playwright David Mamet, with the bill, according to a Huffington Post report.

Blame the much-documented rise of the “hookup culture” among young people, characterized by spontaneous, commitment-free (and often, alcohol-fueled) romantic flings. That may explain why “dates” among 20-somethings resemble college hookups, only without the dorms.Traditional courtship — picking up the telephone and asking someone on a date — required courage, strategic planning and a considerable investment of ego (by telephone, rejection stings).Not so with texting, e-mail, Twitter or other forms of “asynchronous communication,” as techies call it.In the context of dating, it removes much of the need for charm; it’s more like dropping a line in the water and hoping for a nibble.“I’ve seen men put more effort into finding a movie to watch on Netflix Instant than composing a coherent message to ask a woman out,” said Anna Goldfarb, 34, an author and blogger in Moorestown, N. A typical, annoying query is the last-minute: “Is anything fun going on tonight?” More annoying still are the men who simply ping, “Hey” or “ ’sup.” “What does he think I’m doing? “I’m going to my friend’s house to drink cheap white wine and watch episodes of ‘Dance Moms’ on demand.”Online dating services, which have gained mainstream acceptance, reinforce the hyper-casual approach by greatly expanding the number of potential dates.She generally refuses to go on any date that is not set up a week in advance, involving a degree of forethought.

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