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Stern asked Poehler if she’s ever watched lesbian porn, to which she replied, “Yeah. But that’s not really my thing.” Regarding her taste, she revealed, “It’s not too crazy. I like my porn like my comedy: Done by professionals, women who are at the top of their game.

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Plus, Beth seems to feel a little ignored right now. Howard tolerates celebrities as long as they enter his world. Howard may be arrogant and insecure, a combustible combination; he may be a “miserable prick,” as he sometimes says.

And his stripper bits and lesbian gags and his legion of deformed and defective characters? Which might be about the time that Howard hears the voice. It’s the way WINS, the all-news radio station, introduces its newscast. Except that instead of introducing the WINS newscast, Howard hears the voice intone, It’s “he Howard 100 News.” It’s like the radio gods are sending Howard a radio show. Howard can imagine the hushed, reverent tones of the sportscaster, as if he’s describing Tiger Woods. He rushes out of the shower, almost forgetting the towel. After all, Howard has a confessional urge like no one’s ever heard.

”standout, who clarified that she “was separated” at the time. Like, if this is really a date…’ I think I was wearing a Leslie Knop top.

All day, Howard Stern has felt so goddamned pressured. Good riddance to twenty years of stale fart jokes, as if he couldn’t wait to usher Howard out the door. Howard’s boss ought to drop to his knees and thank him. All the news you want about the universe that is Howard Stern. There in the steamy shower, Howard puts his fist to his mouth, like it’s a microphone: High Pitch approaches the Porta Potti. Before Howard, radio was mostly comforting, discreet, tasteful.

“They”—Infinity and Viacom—“are allowing this to happen,” moaned Howard. And fuck the money, I’m going to be making shit radio. Though just in case, Buchwald said, he’d listen to offers.

How am I the outrageous Howard Stern if I can’t talk? For years, the morning host to strippers and porn stars—he threw lunch meat at their bare asses—tooled home to Long Island, to a big house with a lawn and a pool.Every morning, Howard does four-plus hours of America’s most popular morning-radio show. Every morning and night, he empties his head, which is what he’d like to do right now. The club’s key rule: Anything is fair game; the more private and embarrassing and hurtful, the better.In a few weeks, he will join Sirius, a satellite-radio company, where he vows to reinvent the medium. Howard’s real interest is emotion and not the packaged Hollywood variety.” Howard, naturally, personalized his grievance—one of his gifts. There he sometimes imagined he was living an extended episode of Leave It to Beaver.(“Oh, absolutely,” he says jauntily, “I have a chip on my shoulder.”) “You guys have not stood up to the FCC,” Howard told Joel Hollander, COO and then CEO of Infinity. But the issue was bigger than a supposedly wimpy boss. “I’ve been doing subpar material for the last ten years. For a couple of schizy decades, the outrageous morning man did nightly duty as suburban husband and father to his college sweetheart and their three daughters. “I got happily married so fucking young,” Howard says. Howard followed his own early-to-bed, rise-in-the-dark schedule (masturbating himself to sleep every night, he told his audience). “To tell the truth,” he said, “I hate every fucking place in the world.” He didn’t especially like to dine with Alison’s friends.Recently, for instance, he explained to Robert Downey Jr. “You suck the joy out of everything” is one of his girlfriend Beth’s endearments.

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