Dating and other frightening experiences

We really don’t have any way to understand women as both self-sufficient and as outside the direct support system of being a mother.

I am in a supporting role in so many people’s lives, as a caretaker or support system, or whatever it is, that the idea I was selfish and spoiled was pretty much upended.

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dating and other frightening experiences-3dating and other frightening experiences-14

I appreciate that that’s not true for everyone, and I have lived in the same place for two decades and I am still friends with many people I’ve known since my early twenties.

Maintaining friendships over two decades is complicated and difficult and requires determination and compromise, much the same as marriage.

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You really have narrow narratives around women’s lives that almost exclusively adhere to the marriage plot or the motherhood plot. I was seeing not just myself, but so many women in my life, living fulfilling, exciting and complicated lives as women outside marriage and motherhood.

Women in marriage and motherhood live full and difficult lives outside of both of those roles, but I couldn’t find any version of that in the culture. How do you know your place in the world when you are not seen? One of the reasons I was able to write this book is because so much happened to me when I turned 40, which is a very loaded age for people, but women in particular—because it coincides with our idea of the end days of fertility.Some people will read this and think I’m very spoiled. Most people are so comfortable attributing self-made-ness to men and so uncomfortable attributing it to women.I have been living on my own since I was a teenager, and, financially, I’m my only support system.I’ve come to think of it as a coming-of-age story about turning 40, being single, not having children, and trying to find your way in a world that really doesn’t recognize you as a vital part of it.I think a lot of why I wrote the book was that I was struggling to find a blueprint for myself for what the next phase of my life would, could, and should look like.Glynnis Mac Nicol’s wonderful book is one such story.

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